GIVE IT TIME
My Off Campus roommate Kristy had transferred from another school to my University. Her previous school was in the same town that she grew up in. When she transferred, she left behind her parents, younger sister and brother, friends and her boyfriend Dan, who she had dated since high school. I have to say she was pretty brave; it isn't always easy to transfer. It seems like the first year at a new school, everyone bonds together in overcoming the confusion of being in a new place, away from home. By the second and third year, most are settled in and well on their way to feeling in command of their school experience.
Kristy arrived with a great vibrant spirit, that I loved and we really hit it off. We spent many silly moments together. In fact, we both had mother’s that had listened to sappy 70’s music and would often have embarrassing Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow sing offs, before heading out on Saturday night. After a while, I noticed that she seemed down though (no...it wasn't the musical selection). I wasn’t certain what was going on.
an old saying comes through
At some point I noticed that she was really not doing well and had been crying a lot and was starting to develop some really unhealthy body image issues. She confided in me that Dan had called her up and broken up with her, on the phone. He started dating a high schooler, who he was now "in love with". She was crushed. She was certain that he was the guy she was going to marry. She could not see beyond that dream. Something came over me that evening in her moment of deep pain. Maybe I had heard this before and was desperate to find words to calm and uplift her, but at that moment I told her,” Kristy, mark my words, one day Dan is going to come knocking on your door. He is going to apologize for making such a big mistake and want to get back together with you and you are going to be shocked, because you will turn him away and say you are not interested.” Kristy said, crying, and looked at me. She said she didn't think that could ever be true, because if he wanted her back, she missed him so much, she couldn’t picture herself turning him away, besides he was now in love with someone else. We all tried to keep her spirits up, but she was having such a difficult time that after a while she decided to transfer back to the University by home. This was a great decision, as her parents could comfort her and offer her the love that she needed at that time.
Several years later
Several years later, I went to visit her at her family home. So much time had passed and she was in a relationship with this guy Jason, that really loved her and whom she really loved. I cannot recall, but I believe they were engaged to be married or about to be. We were watching a movie and acting generally goofy, when the doorbell rang and she left the den to answer the door. She was gone for ten minutes or so, when she returned flushed. She said to me, “You will never guess who that was…it was Dan…” I asked what he wanted. She slowly replied, “He came to tell me that he had made a mistake, that he was sorry and he wanted to get back together.” With a very serious face, I asked her, “…and what did you say?”, because I remembered our conversation years before. She replied in disbelief, “I said, I wasn’t interested…” Kristy is now married to Jason, has 4 children (one adopted) and happily in love!
Life is bigger than little setbacks. We have to give life time and focus on what is good. We can’t control everything and I think we agree; we don’t know all of the answers!